Thanks For The Memories. April 29, 2008

We thought of you with love today,
But that is nothing new.
We thought about you yesterday.
And days before that too.
We think of you in silence.
We often speak your name.
Now all we have is memories.
And your picture in a frame.
Your memory is our keepsake.
With which we’ll never part.
God has you in his keeping.
We have you in our heart.

DAB
† April 28, 2008 †

Rejoice Because It Isn’t Over Yet. April 29, 2008

I didn’t want to, but the urge of computing my grades was bugging me. So I did it. I computed my grades.

I know I did a great job last semester, because I believe I got grades higher than the average. Accounting grades aren’t released yet until now, and I have no idea if I’ll pass or not because Accounting was a bitch last sem, and now, I wish I never took that subject. My grades were qualified for the College Honors with out the Accounting grade. I didn’t include the units for Accounting when I computed my grades earlier, but I took the chance of it – that maybe I’ll pass. Considering I pass Accounting and I get the passing grade of 1.0, it’s not even enough because Accounting has 6 units. A grade of 1.0 will pull back my QPA, thus, I wouldn’t make it to the College Honors. I need a grade of at least 2.5 for Accounting, and that is very impossible for me to have. So to summarize everything, the dream of being a College Honor just for once isn’t coming true. Next time. =)

I’m glad I’ve changed. If didn’t, I wouldn’t have high grades last semester. I strived, and I deserve my grades. I worked hard for them, and the bliss for getting high grades paid off every effort I made last semester. Sure thing. Though I know my dream won’t come true this time, but not making it to the College Honors won’t make me lose hope. Instead, I am challenged that I should strive harder for the next semester. Geez! I just can’t believe all those efforts I’ve made are still not enough. I still have my scholarship, so I’m cool with it.

This is the start of everything. I told you, I’ve changed. I WILL change. I CAN change. I AM changing. I DID it.

P.S. I miss you, E. ♥

Leave. Leave. Leave Me Alone. April 14, 2008

M left few years back, because he thought someone was being too immature, and so has E. Whatever E’s reason was, I didn’t bother to ask anymore. People do leave, and it’s normal, or so I thought. As they leave and walk away, I try my best to be as stiff as I think I am, because I do not want to embrace the fact that I am left alone. I hate the feeling when my ego is bruised, so as much as possible, I try to fake the feeling. Look up high, and act as if everything is perfect. I have been telling you guys how good I am in hiding emotions. As a matter of fact, people might be surprised to know that I actually have a heart.

J left last night.

Isn’t it a pattern that I should live with? People leave, then next, I dwell in the melancholic crunch of the moment, then I try to make all the people believe that I am not stirred with what’s happening. I am good in pretending, as I’ve always stressed out. But this time, I know it’s different. It’s not my ego that’s bruised anymore, but this time, it’s even more than it.

This time, it isn’t a pattern anymore. As I was staring at my room’s ceiling last night, thinking on how to do the drama show, I realized that I couldn’t be an actress anymore. Pretending isn’t healthy for me this time, because it’s different. I knew I had to blurt it out, but I never imagined myself breaking down.

I am strong. I repeated that a couple of times so it would sink in to my veins and hopefully, it would reach the chambers of my system. But then I found myself curling up and breaking down. I couldn’t believe myself. I never break down. But it feels so different this time. As if I am a neophyte of everything. Then I realize, I should admit it, I got bitten by the bug.

Take A Look Around. April 11, 2008

Wooohooo! I’m YM-ing with Ari right now. Pop doesn’t know about this and I have no plans of telling him. As a matter of fact, I’m not telling anyone. I’m not sure if this is the right thing but I do wanna communicate with him. After all, he’s my one and only… Tss! Never mind. It makes me feel uncomfortable talking about it. Specially about him. Ewan. But I’m glad that he’s trying to reach out to me this time. I just hope he’s sincere about everything. Haha. We’re not yet ‘close’ so chillax lang. It’s better that I shouldn’t expect things first, right? Let’s see if how far everything between us can go. =)

Eheniwee, I’m a bit puzzled with what’s happening around me lately. Just when I thought everything’s fine and under control, it’s when everything crashed down and left me hanging with a lot of questions. As much as I want to seek for answers, I understand that it is better to keep the questions to myself. I know I will hurt some people if I decide to ask the questions I have, so I better shut up. Or else… We know what’s going to happen next. Haha.

So so so. I have decided to answer all your questions for me! Yehey! Haha. So watch out people! I’ll post them here after I answer them. Thanks to all who sent me all their questions! Keep them coming, okay?! Super kaduper thank you!

Expect More Entries From This Day On. WTF. April 8, 2008

Unexpectedly, I’m back. My Grand-Lola, who’s 88 years old now, was rushed to the hospital and we, the grandchildren, has to take care of her. Meaning, my summer adventure’s schedule will be tentative as of the moment, because I understand that it’s my responsibility to, at least, visit my Granny in the hospital once in a while. It’s cool though, considering that I do not want to be here in Doomsville during summer season. Summer is killing me. Swear. I’ll try to have fun here in Dooms nalang. TRY. My cousins are here so it’s going to be FUN, hopefully. Ewan.

Anyway, I had a blast during my 11-day vacation at my Mom’s hometown. Seeing my friends again was priceless, but seeing the group complete and happy made it more priceless. I wish we could do more of the ‘bonding sessions’ as often as possible. I miss them. =’(

I love the simple life I have whenever I’m in my Mom’s hometown. People there are just too nice and kind. Everyone and everything is simple. I can go out without a single penny in my pocket, because there is nothing to spend on in the first place. I can roam around with my worn-out shorts, old shirt, and fancy slippers, without anyone criticizing my look. Imagine the laid-back life I am having there.

My friends there are the most down-to-earth people I know. We can have fun by hanging out at a friend’s place and do nothing. That’s how shallow we are actually. We just love the feeling of being all-together and just catching up with what’s-happening-to-who. May we be sober or not, I know we all enjoy each other’s company, though SOME have changed. I love them. I still do. =)

Last April 5, there were a lot of things that happened and a tons of realizations came into me. And honestly, it made me feel better now. There are things in life that we all thought we can control, but actually, we can not. Each and every person has feelings and sometimes, it’s better to keep it to themselves, because expressing them could mean hurting other people. Right? And another thing I realized, EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. What’s important is that we should be mature enough to understand why a certain thing happens, or at least, be brave enough to face the consequences that it may bring. Tss.

εїз SHE could’ve loved HIM forever… εїз